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| Smiling and building trust! |
After several months of learning leadership lessons from
Louie (and his exceptional trainer, Zig), we continue to grow closer. In fact,
he’s my favorite little Valentine this year… after Mea and Evi, of course.
But I’ve noticed an annoying habit while we walk…he whines! Not
constantly – just when we exit the garage, when we see one of his buddies
(considering his excellent eyesight and keen sense of smell, that buddy could
be down the street, around the bend and over the hill), or when an alpha male
is in the area, and there are a lot of those around.
At first I thought he was just excited and wanted to see his
friend or worse, fight his foe. But I found out from Zig that it is actually quite
the contrary. He is still somewhat fearful (although he is getting better), and
his whining is due to uncertainty. While I have become a very competent alpha
and have provided a tremendous amount of security, Louie’s still a bit skittish
and not completely sure of his surroundings. He is extremely smart and learns
quickly…and he remembers everything. I am sure his memory goes to a dark place
when he’s uncertain.
Because of this personality trait, Zig shared with me
something I found fascinating. One particular day, while our dogs were playing,
Louie would occasionally look over at Zig with that uncertain look, dropping
his head, not really sure he wanted Zig in his space. Zig quietly proceeded to move to a sitting
position on the floor, and then to a lying position. He explained that this was
an extremely vulnerable position for animals, when they expose their belly.
Louie, still somewhat unsure, seemed to ease up and approach Zig more easily.
Zig’s willingness to be vulnerable helped Louie move beyond his uncertainty and
build trust.
As leaders, are we willing to be vulnerable with our teams?
Are we afraid to “expose our belly,” so to speak, for fear we will be seen as
weak? This could be the most powerful tool in building trust within your team.
And there is a delicate balance between sharing authentically and vulnerably
and maintaining healthy boundaries. If a willingness to be vulnerable is not in
your leadership development strategy, rethink your strategy.
Many leaders espouse appreciation for Brene Brown, author of
several bestselling books on vulnerability and authenticity. But few truly walk out what she teaches. Why? Because
many of us don’t know how to take the first step in putting down our masks and
being real. “Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage
to be imperfect,” says Brene Brown. We are so concerned about appearing to be perfect; we post perfect
Facebook pictures, we wear perfect clothes, our hair is perfectly coifed, we
insist others fall in line with our perfectionism, all for the sake of protecting
our images. But please do not confuse excellence with perfectionism. They are
completely different and I’ll address that in another blog post!
Successful organizations maintain cultures built on trust. This
happens because courageous and confident leaders have a strong sense of love
and belonging, and have removed their masks and aren’t afraid to “expose their
bellies”. These leaders have a healthy balance of professionalism and
transparency and enjoy truly deep, trusting relationships with their teams.
Louie whines because of doubt and uncertainty. But we have
begun to build trust because I’ve learned from our trainer how to be
vulnerable. Of course, with everything there are extremes and the key word here
is balance. My buddy Louie seems to think that exposing his belly to me is the
solution for everything. When he’s done something wrong or behaves badly, I
clear my throat, stand up straight and hold one finger up in the air as I look
at him. He immediately falls down to the ground and rolls over—exposing his
belly. We’re still working on balance.
