LOUIE’S LEADERSHIP LESSONS: Are You a Bully?

There’s a bully in our neighborhood and an encounter with a bully is unnerving and potentially devastating.

I was getting ready one morning and Louie came running into my room, almost mouthing words, mixed with a little whining as if to frantically say, “Oh my gosh, mom, you have to come here. You have to help me because this could be really bad!”

He ran over to the window, looked out to the back yard, then looked back at me, then looked out the window again and then looked back at me, with a worried expression on his face and a lot of whining. I wondered what on earth would I see out there.

And there he was…the bully! Not just any bully— but the neighborhood’s feral cat! It sauntered across the yard, causing fear and angst in Louie until it was finally out of sight. Clearly its tactics worked because of Louie’s reactions.

That wasn’t the only time Louie encountered his feline bully. On our walks, there’s a narrow part of our path that we cross every day. One day as we came upon that spot, the bully was sunning himself and had no intentions of moving…even if approached by a hound dog with a big mouth and his human, that cat was not moving. We actually turned and walked the other way; it wasn’t worth the fight. It was that day that I resolved to do something about the bully. 

Now I know my dog lover friends are laughing because they’ve seen this with their own dogs. And we’ve seen the funny videos of this behavior on Facebook. We also know the severity of bullying for young people and we hear more each day about the corporate bully.

Workplace bullying can include verbal, nonverbal, psychological, physical mistreatment and humiliation. This type of hostility is particularly difficult because workplace bullies often operate within the organization’s rules and. And bullies are often someone in authority. However, we can also be bullied by our peers, and occasionally even by a subordinate. Bullying can be covert or overt. It may be missed by superiors or known by many throughout the organization. Negative effects are not limited to the directed individuals, and may lead to a decline in morale and an increase in a culture of distrust.

If you as a leader know there is a bully in your midst, do you resolve the issue immediately? What if no one actually complains directly about the bully but you are discerning the rumblings and have watched enough of the body language to raise questions? Do you go to others to ask them about the person? Do you go directly to the bully to confront them knowing you may suffer the repercussions if you express concern versus coming with actual proof you’ve witnessed yourself?

These are complex questions without simple answers but the issue must be addressed…and the sooner the better.

Gossip, malicious backbiting and passive aggressive behaviors can topple a team quickly. Rebuilding could take years, if ever. Most businesses cannot afford that type of implosion. The leader of the organization sets the tone for a culture of trust and it begins with their taking the following actions:

• Gossip must be stopped immediately and there should be zero tolerance for it in the workplace.
• Coworkers should be trained how to confront issues with one another in a healthy, positive manner. My friend Lynne Ruhl, has been conducting Cultural Audits for years and has developed several workshops to help organizations understand respect, listening, building trust and how to have healthy confrontations through her Relate Series.
• As a woman in the corporate world since 1980, I have seen my share of female bullies and the unnecessary damage caused by their actions. My friend, Laurie Althaus, says it best: “They attempt to mix the masculine competitive energy and individualism (which has its purpose) into the batter with the feminine strengths of cooperation, wisdom and groupism. The two do not mix well without lots of discernment and assurance that personal values are adhered to.” You can read her blog for more insight on this subject.

While I can’t do much about the neighborhood bully, as Louie’s leader I can assure him that the cat will in no way interfere with his freedom to be the lovable hound dog that he is. He’s learning not to react as we walk past the bully. Everyone loves to see him every day and what a sad place our neighborhood would be if he were too scared to go on his fun walks.  The same goes for your workplace! Immediately take action against bullying!

Not sure who is bullying who!

Are You Pouring Into Others?

Louie, feeling like a superhero
in his reflective vest!

Wow, six months has gone by fast! Louie and I have been together half a year, and we have learned so much from each other and are better for it. But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how tough it was to get this far.

Louie went from lock down at 8:30 p.m. in a cushiony, penned area in my bedroom to a fluffy royal bed, completely opened. He goes to bed on his own (still at 8:30 p.m.) and even if he wakes up, he patiently waits for me to give the command, “Here.” Only then does he move off his bed.

While I have always been an early riser, it was an adjustment for me to get up, get dressed and get outside between 5:30 and 6:00 am… Now we do it every single morning, regardless of weather. And believe me, it’s not been easy with the kind of winter we’ve had!

He patiently sits as I fill up his food bowl and doesn’t move until I nod my head and say, “Go.” He walks by my side and rarely pulls and immediately sits prior to our walking across a busy street until I give the “Go” command. We’re still working on how he greets guests, but overall he has improved immensely.

So why such great improvement? Because I’ve poured energy into him; not for a few weeks—but for a solid six months. And I will continue to pour into him. I didn’t have to give him so much time and love. He probably would have been an average dog without any training or time. But I chose to pour into him with no real “return on investment” and certainly no guarantee that he would be worth my time.

These last six months have brought out the best in Louie. His trainer poured into us and now Louie’s true character and behavior has been given an opportunity to develop. No doubt, he is a much happier pup.

The significance of pouring energy into others is equally important for leaders. We can’t expect to hand over a manual, put the new team members through orientation, and check in with them occasionally. It takes consistent time and energy to bring out the best in people.

I am thankful for those along my journey who have poured into me. They didn’t need to, they chose to with no guarantees that it would work. I know many leaders who “mentor” others but there is always some sort of return for them. Rarely is it to make a difference in that person’s life—they are too busy for that.

I’ve had two mentors who made a difference in my life—I would not be the woman I am today without their love, time, wisdom, and accountability. They had nothing to gain by spending so much time with me, yet they did. Kathryn Rose Norman walked with me on my spiritual journey when no one else was willing (I was a lot like Louie; a little rough around the edges). She introduced me to Lynne Ruhl who also poured into me for more than a decade and continues to do so. Thank you seems so insignificant for what they did for me. I’m a lot like Louie in that I will seek to demonstrate my gratitude for a long time to come!  

Their investment in me has inspired me to invest in others. I rarely refuse to spend time with those who may need some guidance or encouragement, although I have nothing obvious to gain. I maintain healthy boundaries, but I always welcome an opportunity to invest in another’s life. Though I may not see an earthly “return,” in God’s economy, I am always richly blessed!

Now if I can just get Louie to stop using his big mouth (literally) when he plays and roughhouses! While I’m glad he’s playing, it’s clear we have more work to do—and that’s just fine by me.

Speaking of Superheroes!