Step Up and Be a Leader

Previously, I shared that providing excellent leadership for my adopted dog, as well as people, takes time, discipline, and unconditional love. It takes strength and courage to love and lead well. It’s not simply about being nice but rather about letting go of your own agenda and serving another. Love is not a word you hear in the workplace, and I suggested we reflect on how to truly and boldly love others.

As I continue to learn to be a good leader to Louie, one of the toughest principles for me to grasp [WARNING: friends, swallow your food before continuing] was how to be the Alpha Dog. That’s right, my trainer let me know that I was a weak Alpha. And my lack of strong leadership caused confusion for Louie, forcing him into the position of having to step up and lead.

Before Louie and I found each other, I never gave much thought to asserting my role as Alpha Dog. Consequently, my dogs assumed that role and I let them. It didn’t seem to matter because they were small and harmless. And by the time I got home after a long day at work, I was tired of being Alpha, so I let them boss me around. But that approach doesn’t work for Louie and it definitely does not work for people

There is so much that goes into being a good Alpha; being consistent, providing safety, setting appropriate boundaries, giving genuine and abundant praise, and offering necessary correction. Again, all of those things must be rooted in trust and undergirded by love.

When the trainer first met us, Louie behaved very badly and I was at my wits end. The trainer described my body language as defeated. Louie responded to this with fear and confusion. The words that moved me off the dime were, “I’ve seen you do leadership seminars, now you’ve got to do what you do in those seminars. Exude confidence. He needs reassurance that you know what you’re doing.”

Really? For my dog? I had made the common mistake of assuming that he would instinctively know that I’m the boss – simply because I’m the human, I’m larger than he, and I think more “knowledgeable.” The trainer taught me that it is about my level of confidence in where I’m going and what needs to be accomplished. That confidence is in knowing what’s best for Louie, giving him firm direction, and drawing out his very best behavior.

As leaders, our assumptions about others and about situations around us unintentionally cause confusion among our team. We have expectations that are not always clearly communicated, and then when not met, causes disappointment on our part and confusion on the part of others. Ken Blanchard often refers to this as seagull management - meaning a manager who only interacts with employees when a problem arises. This style of leadership involves hasty decisions about things of which they have little understanding, resulting in messy situations for others to clean up.

Being a strong leader is about so much more than claiming an impressive title, wearing expensive suits and appearing important.  It is about:

•   Owning the leadership role we’ve been given;

•   Resisting the urge to react out of our own fears and insecurities;

•   Addressing problems before we lose our cool;

•   And effectively communicating the vision and seeking to understand our team.

Dogs and people need a humble leader not a bossy dictator. I’ve committed to leading with intentionality, clear vision and goals. I encourage you to do the same – whether you’re leading canines or humans.

I am happy to say I have assumed my role as Alpha of the house and consequently, Louie is a much happier pup. I had to wrestle him to ground once or twice to make him understand submission, a method I do NOT recommend for your team. But it is clear that he understands and appreciates my love and leadership. And I provide a safe haven for him by my consistent behavior. We’ll talk about safety and consistency next time.

Louie and one of his alpha puppies, my granddaughter, Evi. She is 

honing her leadership skills and he happily follows.

Leadership and...Love?

I  recently adopted a dog...a sweet, seemingly docile, hound. Although I love dogs, I had made the decision not to get another one. This was not for the typical reasons like too much work and responsibility, or lack of motivation on my part to provide the dog plenty of exercise. I just could not handle watching another dog I loved die. I had been through that heart wrenching experience enough times.

But then I encountered an abandoned mutt with big brown eyes and a sweet temperament (at least in his cage). I tossed my concerns aside, brought him home and named him Louie DiStasi. I soon discovered that Louie brought a lot of emotional baggage to the relationship. He demonstrated behaviors that deeply concerned me. While acting like an overly protective dog when visitors came to the house, I later learned he was masking something. I immediately engaged a dog trainer and quickly realized I needed training as much as Louie did, if not more so.

I’m not afraid of tough lessons, and I’m always looking for ways to improve my leadership skills.  Every week I read a new blog post or article on how to be a better leader. Spending time with Louie and learning how to lead him has been far more impactful than anything I’ve read. I’m a hands-on learner, and my experience with Louie has been a life changer. Bottom line, Louie needs acceptance, consistency, discipline and above all, unconditional love. It is a need every human being on this earth has, whether we admit it or not. Here are some things I’ve learned:

• Like people, Louie needs unconditional love. But sometimes his baggage gets in the way. When I chose to adopt him, I chose the whole package – baggage and all. I quickly learned his macho behavior actually hid his fear and insecurity. Many leaders, myself included, hide behind fear and insecurity and try to act confident. I experienced the freedom of letting go of that act many years ago. Louie is slowly learning this, as well, but it will take time. When we are in relationship with others, we must press through and work out any issues. We simply cannot move out of relationship with them because their baggage is inconvenient. And we all bring baggage.
• Body language is a powerful communicator. It is not enough that I provide Louie with secure shelter, healthy food and affection. These things are important but they don’t necessarily communicate love to him. Like people, he notices tone, body language and facial expressions. He knows that when my voice is firm, I mean business. And he knows how my tone changes when I give him praise. A good leader communicates love, not only with their words but more importantly, with their actions.
• Consistency is key. Good leaders (and good dog owners) are calm, controlled, safe and consistent. While it may feel like love to let Louie climb on my bed or turn my shoes into his personal chew toys, it is not. Good leaders give clear guidelines, set appropriate boundaries and respect individual personalities. 
• Both dogs and people require patience and kindness.  As the Scripture says, love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance*. As leaders, it’s not enough for our teams to get a paycheck, a nice office, and a few perks here and there. They need to know they are loved; that you care more about them than just the processes, plans and bottom line (But, the bottom line always improves when leaders love their employees!) 
• Genuine love is not for the weak. It takes strength and courage. Some may assert that loving dogs is easier than loving people and perhaps it is. But we are commanded to love one another.  This is not an admonition commonly found in leadership manuals or in business schools, but without it, you will likely fail. Take time this week to reflect on how to truly and boldly love others. 

Despite his baggage, I’ve grown to love Louie. And because I’ve invested in him, he’s becoming a better dog. And I’m becoming a better leader! Love is the foundation of our relationships and trust is a building block. Louie knows I love him AND that I’m in charge. Who knew I had to learn to be an Alpha dog! We’ll talk about that next time!

* 1 Corinthians 13

Louie is a rescue that is part beagle, corgi and basset hound. To protect his identity, I’ve provided a pretty good likeness of him, smile and all!